“Dear Aunt Aggie, I've never written in to one of these agony aunts before, this is usuall the sort of thing my wife reads, but she is the problem. I think my wife is having an affair. I don't want her to leave me, but if I'm wrong I don't want to offend her by asking. What can I do?” — from Mr X in Gosforth
Loving Aunt Aggie replies: Don't worry about it. It might all be in your imagination. However, take a look at yourself in the mirror. When was the last time your cleaned your teeth or changed your smelly socks and underpants?
Just small things but very important if you want to keep the woman in your life. Even if she IS having an affair, she's probably riddled with guilt because of being with some big handsome hunk instead of the skinny wimp she married.
She may decide to come back to you of course, but I usually find it's best following an inevitable divorce for your kind to settle down with someone nearer your own class and appearance.
Next time try getting someone more reliable and ordinary looking like yourself, someone who won't be looking for a more attractive and exciting partner – unlike your present wife who has obviously succumbed to the advances of a very charming and well-dressed seductive man – the kind of person you could never be!